As I'm writing this, it's been a little over a year since the U.S. shutdown. I can't believe that it's even been a year. It has been one of the longest years I have experienced. A year ago I really didn't know how long the pandemic would stay or if anything would even get better.
I remember when my husband and I invited his family over for a meal in the summer. It was my husband's first time using his grill and I remember he was excited about that. I remember going out and buying multiple tongs at HomeGoods and planning in my head how to make sure we would limit sharing of food. This change in thinking is so crazy to even think about when it wasn't even a few months before when we celebrated the holidays at my house - Thanksgiving to be exact - where both sides of my family were sitting together and sharing food and sitting inches away from other.
Decisions about everything was on a new level as first time parents in the pandemic. For myself, as a first-time mom, it was very hard. I spent many days in my late trimester to the early months post-partum in tears. I thought something that would be simple to say "yes" to wouldn't be a problem, but it was and I had to cope with that. It started with the doctors' recommendation to take two vaccines (not related to COVID-19) for Baby's arrival. When I found out there was a push back in taking the vaccines, I had a really hard time understanding why there was an opposition. I come from a family where health is important, especially after my father's diagnosis when I was in 5th grade. I kept asking myself "Why wouldn't you want to do this for your family? Why wouldn't someone do this for a vulnerable baby?" I couldn't understand. There is no doubt in my mind I wouldn't do this for someone else's baby, if they needed me to. When my son was born, I asked myself the same questions looking at how small, innocent, and unprotected he was. I hurt for him knowing that his own family wouldn't do something to protect him. It made the first few months of his life extremely difficult. There was already an unknown virus spreading across the world and having to know that vaccines wouldn't be taken took a toll on me and my little family. So much, that I had to stay in the hospital another day due to my high blood pressure which continued for the next month.
While this became a reality in the unprecedented time, we had to discuss how to handle visitors. My husband and I had several conversations about this topic before the baby arrived and we wanted to make sure that we were going to be on the same page even after the baby was born. We agreed to limit the visitors to our "immediate families" meaning each of our immediate families. These members would have to wear masks, we would take their temperature, and require cleaning of hands. The last requirement was standard as I grew up being taught to wash hands around babies because they are more susceptible to getting sick. The first two expectations were new to us and everyone for that matter. Eventually the temperature check was no longer a routine. Masks became the focus of visitations and also a topic of friction. I remember on a few occasions that visits became laxed and I was uneasy. You have one part of you wanting some normalcy and another part of you being a protector. My husband and I continued this hard discussion.
Today, a year later into the pandemic, these hard discussions are still happening. I spent some time scoping families on social media who had babies in the pandemic, because for a period of time I didn't know if we were being too cautious. I found families who had their families in full surgical gear to other families who chose not to even invite non-live-in families visit at all. After reflecting on the various families decisions in this pandemic, it made me feel a little relieved. I can't imagine how any of these other families made these decisions, because you don't have anyone else to ask for advice - no one else has had to deal with a virus with no vaccine. I remember even asking the pediatrician about visitation and I was told to do what is expected by health officials, and they have had cases of little ones having COVID because people around them happened to be asymptomatic. The front office staff who relayed the message to me went as far as to say, " I wouldn't even invite ANYONE." So what would I tell moms who are pregnant now or who plan on having a baby in the pandemic?
Communicate with your spouse
Your spouse is going to be your partner through all of this. There won't be anyone else (most likely) in your family who will truly understand the fears and seriousness of how the pandemic affects your new little family. You will have hard discussions. You may cry and you may get upset. However, make sure to take time to ask each other how they are feeling and where they stand on comfort periodically. Most importantly, remember that the decision that you and your spouse makes is because you are doing what you believe is best for your own family and baby. Even if you think the expectations you place seem strict, remember it's about lives at the end of the day.
Communicate with your family
Once you and your spouse reach agreeable decisions make sure to let your family know. If you can let them know before baby arrives that would be best to help them prepare mentally. You have to remember that families have not experienced this before and what they were use to may not be the normal anymore. There maybe backlash or they maybe understanding. Continue to remind family what your expectations are. Again, don't ever feel terrible for what you want for your family. You may not be able to change their mind, but maybe you can change their heart. If they truly love the newborn they will do what's right.
There will be a light at the end of the tunnel. I can now say this is true, because scientists around the world have been working so hard on working on vaccines for everyone. I look forward to when we all get together without fear and for my son to experience life without so much health restrictions.
Have you read Part 1? Click here